How to Break Every Single Rule of Internet Dating at Once

Posted on June 24, 2010


(Or, a story about tomorrow’s date.  Let’s just say I hope my next post is titled “And Live to Tell the Tale”.)

To even begin, you have to have given up all dating inhibitions ages and ages ago.  Let’s face it, it’s a numbers game and the numbers are against us.  If you’re lucky, you will have one relationship in your life that doesn’t end somehow–and the happy ending there is that you die first.  To find that one relationship–and, let’s be honest, some fun along the way–you have to kiss a lot of frogs right on their warty lips.  (Mojitos help.)  So I’ve stripped down my standards, thrown away nerves, developed several coping mechanisms such as a pre-game cocktail and pedicure, and resolutely pushed aside all fear of starting with a margarita and winding up dismembered in a Dumpster.  Most of the time, if someone wants to meet me for a drink, I go.

1.  Post an ad on Craigslist.

This is good because everyone knows it’s a den of iniquity and married men and the herp.  (I actually met Lieu there, though he is not married and hopefully doesn’t have the herp, he is deliciously iniquitous.)

2.  Don’t get people’s real name, but give them yours.

This wasn’t my fault.  I have an anonymous dating account–what modern woman is without one?–and I could never figure out how to set it up on my G1 phone until today, when it betrayed me by blasting out my real, Googleable name to someone who replied to my CL ad.  D’oh.

3.  Be overly intrigued and let it cloud your judgment.

Today’s particular respondent says we corresponded earlier, both using different anonymous accounts.  (I recently made the switch from Yahoo!  to Gmail because I’m classy.)  It must be true because he seems to know a lot about me.  He says we almost met but he chickened out.  He quotes poetry as liberally as I do when I am not afraid of looking like an enormous nerd.  We played a delightful game of one-upmanship that ended with some obscure short story references and a little The Wasteland for good measure.

4.  Meet someone who won’t tell you their name for a drink.

This is either a delightful game that everyone will win or a troubling early sign of control issues.  If you see someone having a particularly nervous first date tomorrow in a blue dress at an Irish pub, it’s probably me.