Taking It to the Streets

Posted on July 13, 2010


Well, no cure for the dating blues like getting right back out there, I suppose.  Start tonguing those frogs again, hoping one morphs grotesquely into a prince before my eyes.  Or not grotesquely, preferably, but let’s be real.  That would be a disgusting process.

Some people question my love of the Craigslist personals, and I know why.  One the one hand, they gave me the married guy, but on the other, they gave me Lieu.  On balance, in fact, I’ve had far and away the most luck with CL, and I’ve tried them all: Match.com (no dates); eHarmony (nothing, plus the shame of giving my money to an organization that won’t match gays); Plentyoffish.com (one date, my very first–I’d say it deserves a post of its own, but how better could I describe my first date in several years than to tell you that the guy turned out to be blind and it made me so nervous that I tripped and fell?); OKCupid (this is my second favorite; I’ve had several good dates and talked to lots of very worthy people here, though if about 200 new 35-year-old men signed up today I’d like it a lot more.  DC is tiny sometimes.); and one other website that I’ll never be drunk enough to tell you about where I’ve also met a couple of men I really liked.

But CL is definitely where it’s at for me.  I think the immediacy is appealing, and the fact that there is no barrier for viewing posts.  My sister met her serious boyfriend there (I wrote the ad), my Philly friend does most of her dating there (wrote a couple of hers too)–I know it can sound sketchy, and Lord knows there are some illiterate and perverted freakshows there, but I am a fan.

It used to be that the ads I posted would get 30-40 replies, of which a good 50% would be obvious cut-and-pastes or dick pics, 25% more would be from people who just seemed dull or too young or too old (more than ten years on either side of my 35), and the rest would mostly fall out for one reason or another, yielding one or maybe two dates.  The process is a bit time-consuming but also exciting; each response is so ripe with potential, right up until it isn’t. (I think some people get more responses, but the specific things I’m looking for combined with the curvy/BBW thing narrow my field considerably, which is fine.)

But my last two posts have garnered virtually no replies and I can’t figure out why.  Help me out, internets.  What about the following ad would scare you away, or turn you off?  I can’t figure it out.  Ladies, feel free to weigh in as well.

Gregarious yet introverted curly-haired white BBW bombshell seeks very smart gentleman for wining, dining, and…opining. You must be funny and well-read, confident but never cocky, kind and sensual, definitely single, and open to the possibility of a real relationship if all goes well. In return I will be literate and saucy, buxom and bold, well-traveled and curious, and a purveyor of back rubs, good conversation, and the occasional awesomely home-cooked meal. Together we will be the envy and delight of all who know us…or at least as pleased with finding each other on CL as we are with the couch we got here that one time.

I’d say, “What’s the worst that could happen?” but this being CL, that’s actually a pretty terrifying question, so let’s focus on the positive.

In addition to the above-listed qualities I’m also sane, DDF, and liberal. Best if you are too.

Is there some unintentionally coded warning sign in there that I don’t see?  Too arch?  Or is summer just slow season for dating like it is for real estate?  Help a girl out.